August 5, 2011

What I have or haven’t been up to

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:45 am by whatsupwiththat

So I check in with other blogs on a regular basis and have been upset that some of my favorites don’t post as often during the summer and then I checked my last blog. So having taken my proverbial foot out of my mind’s mouth. I thought I would ramble onscreen and please the follower I might have. Hi sis!
I am not even going to give a certain crappy trait I have the satisfaction of naming it here. P*&%#@$tion is whipping my butt, again. Only this time I fear it may cost my husband his sanity. Between looming college costs for our eldest and the market first sliding downhill and now being pushed full speed by a locomotive train called Politicians suck! and his impending job loss (don’t know when just know it is 99.9% likely) He has enough to worry about. I had kind of hoped to not ever return to teaching but see above for why it is obvious I have to. So being the wonderful team player that I am, I have been dragging my heels and instead of applying at the start of summer for this upcoming school year, I waited until a month ago. So now I have 7 applications out there and the phone isn’t ringing. I have not applied for a job online before. I don’t like it at all, so impersonal and I feel like if I could talk to perspective employers I have a much better chance of getting the positions I am after. I don’t know whether they don’t want to pay my salary (10 years with a Master’s pay scale) or if the volume of applicants means there is always someone better qualified at a smaller salary or, my true fear, that they read through my application and wonder “who is she kidding!”
I taught 10 years in a self contained 6th grade class. I loved a lot of the aspects of it but the 2 things that really bugged me were the lack of one on one time I could spend helping students who needed extra help or even just connecting with students who didn’t need extra help and the amount of my own home work that cut into my family time. I knew when I started it came with the job and when I was kidless I would stay after school or get there early to get as much prep work and grading done there as possible. Then I had my son (and then another one) and I could not get home fast enough except that being home meant getting way less school work accomplished. Twice a week I bit the bullet and stayed late at work for a couple of hours and then battled Chicago rush hour traffice to pick up the kids from my mom’s house.
I realize that my sons are old enough now that my bringing home school work won’t take away my time from them but for one reason I am adament about not going back to being a classroom teacher. That lack of time to really make a difference to one student. I know it is possible, other teachers manage it daily, but I guessI am feeling like I have been there and done that and I want something different.
So I am applying for Intervention and Reading coach positions of which there aren’t that many. Add to that I have no real experince doing these positionss, just the fact that I fielded every kind of situation that comes up in a self contained classroom where kids range from gifted to 1st grade reading level and IEP goals were everywhere, along with behavior issues, emotional issues, puberty was (or wasn’t to the dismay of some) rearing its ugly head and girls at that age can become vicious and some boys start practicing to be alpha male way to soon for my liking.
When I said I was going to ramble I meant it! True to my word, here on my blog, if not in real life. So I feel crappy that I didn’t take my need to earn money for the family more to heart and try harder and earlier in the school hiring season to get hired. I have been honest about my reluctance with my husband and my therapist and both have been supportive and understanding. The big elephant in the room is with the job market the way it is and school budgets being slashed, what else am I willing to do to earn a decent salary? I despise the idea of working m-f and not being in the eduction field. I have no truly marketable skills outside the education field….oh wait I can be a florist, did that as a summer job for 7 years of my life. Ideally I would love to be self employed. Ideally ideal I would love to be a published author, but just like a lottery winner you have to have bought a ticket or in my case sent out a manuscript to win.
I guess I am just so tired of being scared and not taking that next step. Once I had finished the applications I felt really good but if I am going to be honest I think I am purposely applying for positions that while in theory I think they would be different and I’d enjoy them, I know it is a long shot. So even as I am fufilling the agreed upon task of applying for teaching jobs I am sabotaging the likelihood of going back to work.

If you have read this far thank you and I am begging you for some kind of response. Tell me what you really are thinking. I need to know.


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