July 29, 2010

The patient has a pulse

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:24 am by whatsupwiththat

While waiting for some sign to magically appear and guide me to the land of the productive and self-assured, I thought I would bide my time by getting organized.  I am sure, like in a typical sit-com script, you can all guess how well that is going.  I have 2 days left until my husband is back in town and if my plan was to make it look like file cabinets have exploded in the dining room,the kitchen and my office then step aside and let me collect my award.  I’d like to thank the credit card companies, the warranty manuals written in 27 different languages, the medical profession for sending 4 different types of documents about each and every office visit (one in seven actually billed correctly and not needing follow-up paperwork) and of course my biggest thanks goes to my hoarding tendencies for holding on to all those newspaper recipes I’ll never make, various dream house plans for the house we’ll never build, and the endless piles of my sons’ schoolwork that no one ever really wants to see again.)

What I really want to do is write.  Even putting together this post makes me feel more hopeful, like I have accomplished something for me.  Not the house, the kids or somebody else, which all feel good too, but in a different way.  This blog is a selfish luxury that I have been having a hard time convincing myself I deserve.  You know, because of all the organizing that needs to be done and the poor parenting that needs to be corrected and the relationship building that in 28 years we haven’t gotten around to.  Yeah, there are quite a few albatrosses I carry around my neck and they whisper to me how unworthy I am of something this golden.  But I have made a choice today to ignore them while I compose this blog and    it      feels        good.  Great, even!  So I’ll be back tomorrow.  Perhaps with a story to tell or just more of how I am feeling.  Rest assured that the majority of sentences will be run-ons and I will be enjoying every one of them.

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